After not studying for quite some time, I feel as if my standard of English has gotten from bad to worse... Wait, scratch tt... My standard of English has worsen... From the C6 tt I've gotten during the 'A's, I guess if I were to take a test now, it would probably be a very terrible fail... It's funny... And ironic... In the past, I don't really like reading the papers... Not tt it'll get my fingers dirty or anything... It's just tt, my interest lies elsewhere... In gaming, to be more precise... Of course, most of the time, I'm doing all those homework and attempting to store all those facts and figures into my brain... However, now tt I've taken a hiatus from studying, I've finally realise the importance of keeping up with those 'current affairs'... Hence, I'm beginning to pick up the habit of reading the papers... After all, it's never to late for such things, right???
Tt's just one of the many reasons I'm weaving up to convince myself... There's also the reason of being more intellectual... As to which is the main reason, I'm not so sure of it myself... I do know 1 thing for certain though, is tt it's part of me trying to escape from being dictated from doing something...My dad wants me to practice [Qi Gong] on a frequent basis as well as to give my sis tuition during every weekend... In the end, I hardly have time for myself to be free of worries and everything and to really concentrate on something tt I like to do... Instead of being in jitters, fearing when will the scolding descend on me for not doing what he dictates tt I should do...
I don't have much time for myself in the past as well... But I don't have to worry so much in the past... The most I have to worry abt are my grades and tt's all there's to it... Yet when I've finally completed half the studying quest, I was denied of my reward... To really relax and to indulge in my gaming... I have been thinking abt this for quite some time already and I feel cheated... All those talks by my parents abt not playing so much when I'm studying or when the exams are near have never equate to me getting the 'play-all-I-want' card when I get the good grades tt I painstakingly slogged my life for... It's all a lie... A big damn lie... All they wanted is for me to stop staring @ the computer and do what they want me to do... Why can't they see tt I do not like giving my sis tuition??? Or tt I hate (note choice of word used here) practicing tt retarded [Qi Gong]??? I understand the former, yet I wonder why can't my sis be left to cope for herself??? Doing badly 3 times in [A-Maths] for the same topic doesn't mean tt she need tuition for the whole subject... Hell, I'm simply repeating what the textbook/ teacher said to her... Besides, I don't have anyone to help me in the family and I still could pull it off... She, on the other hand, still have me when she's in doubt... So I wonder what's with the routine... When I agreed to help her 3 yrs ago, I don't remember agreeing to help her for life... Gee... Now I feel cheated once agani by my dad...
As for the latter, it's his belief... And since I don't believe in it, why can't he see tt no matter how long or how often I practice tt thing, it ain't going to help... I seriously can't accept the fact tt sitting down and concentrating on our breathing is going to cure me of my imminent blindness... Rather, I feel tt he's dooming me instead... By constantly reminding me to practice as it might help slow down my retina degeneration when the last thing I would like to be reminded of is tt I'm going blind in the near future... It seems like almost every other day I'm reminded of my eye condition and if the next check-up yield even more disastraous results, kudos to my dad for worsening my eyesight...
Oh, and there's the issue of work too... Unlike in school, when you dislike a certain someone, you can ignore them and refuse to make contact with them... Or to reduce your oontact with them to a value tt's approaching 0... However, when you're in the working world, you have to play nice no matter what... All in the bid to prevent being knifed in the back... Don't misunderstand... I like going to work as much as I like to stare @ the conputer screen... @ least I could escape from all my worries... It's just tt the amt of acting you have to do when you're facing your superiors or you collegues and the fact tt I still have to do those act @ home tt's really tiring...
For once, I really wish I'm another person... One with confident, with guts to trash it out with ppl you do not like, to stand up for what you believe in, to be brave... Gosh, I'm so freaking tired... Mentally...
Despite all tt, my mind hasn't strayed from all those trashy imaginations tt I have thanks to all those books I've read... I'm not lamenting here, mind you... I like to imagine all those... It's how I keep myself sane - irony, again - from all those stress tt I have... It's another avenue of my escapism...
I have been reading a graphic novel... It's not manga... It's those English comic, only more mature in content... It's titled 'The Last Man'... There's issues such as gender discrimination, war, the environment, homosexuality as well as tons of other political issues in it... It's a really interesting book and what's keeping my in la-la land are not all those profound topics tt I've listed... Rather, it's more dumb... Before I tell you what I'm pre-occupied with, let's start with the intro... Like the title suggest, it's abt the last man on Earth trying to save humanity - with the help from a female doctor, a female govt. agent and his male monkey - from a plague tt wiped out all the males in the world except for he and his male monkey... Now, the issue tt's keeping me deep in thought is this: Most guys might be in cloud 9 to be the last male on Earth... It's as if Adam's being surrounded by millions of Eves... But it's not a really pleasant idea... Imagine trying to procreate like tt... I doubt the last male will even survive tt... LOL... ow shift the focus to me... What if I'm the last male on Earth??? I'll probably go mad... No more hunks to ogle @, no more guys to have a crush on... Not nice... Haha... >_<
*Sigh* I feel so much better after pouring out all those conflicting thoughts... I shall stop here for now and I haven't forgotten abt all those pics tt I'ev yet to post here... *Dodge behind some rocks* x_x
