I could blame it on the likes of [FB] & [Twitter], giving me the opportunities to air my split sec thoughts as & when I want, instead of taking the trouble of logging into [Blogger] & spending anything more than 10 mins thinking of ways to compose an entry tt doesn't come across as being too boring, blah, meh, whatever you wanna call it...
The truth is less complex... I'm simply too lazy to actually spend the time & effort to come up with a long blog post tt I'm notorious for composing... It's apparent tt I've lost focus on the true focus of this blog... When I 1st started this blog, I wanted to keep this like my personal online diary, rather than a physical one... The latter is simply too much hassle... You've to like find a nice book, write nicely, and with my inability to actually come up with coherent thought like on the 1st attempt, it would mean lots of corrections and stuff... I'm sure if I were to really keep a diary, I'll be so pissed even before the end of the 1st entry tt I'll just toss the idea away... Now, with the online medium, I can delete when the words doesn't make sense & it doesn't leave much of a trace anyway... Plus I think I can type wayyyyy faster than I can write... The signs of me being overly reliant with my com & forsaking the pen altogether...
I sense myself starting to digress... Back to the topic, this was supposed to be my weekly haven where I pen down my thoughts... But over time, my focused changed... Friends started commenting & I seemed to want them to read my entries... So when the whole blogging craze seemed to die down within my group of friends and they stopped visiting this blog, I simply stopped writing as frequently as I used to...
I'm not really expecting anyone to read this now, but I simply need to have an avenue to air my thoughts to no one in particular... It beats talking to a wall & having everyone mistaking you for nuts...
Anyway, to be really frank, I've not a clue what to do with my life... It's like I've been studying for so long tt I'm starting to feel... Exhausted... I secretly hoped tt I can do something more with my life, but @ the same time, I'm unwilling to move out of my comfort zone... I keep bemoaning the fact tt I'm still single & available, yet I'm reluctant to actually jump head 1st into the circle & get to know more ppl... I've tried the online way of meeting ppl & more often than not, things just don't go my way... Tt should give any rational dude to hit the gym, get toned, get lean, get hitched... But do I see myself hitting the gym??? Not a bloody fat chance... I see myself as unfit, yet I'm unwilling to do anything to change tt...
I believe it's the insecurity tt's holding me back... Maybe I'm really nuts to think tt strangers @ the gym will be scrutinizing my every move & @ the 1st sign of blunder, they'll mock me... So I've totally regressed to the stage where my [Fujitsu] laptop is now my currently my best friend... [Dragonica] & [MapleStory] won't abandon me... Well, except for every [Wed] where it'll be down for maintenance... But this is a much better deal than having a r/s where you'll only be free to meet like once a wk...
*Sigh* I do recognize tt what I've said reflects how pathetic & boring my life is based on society's norms... & I'm rationalizing my actions...
I guess I need some time to clear my mind before certain perspectives become clear to me & my rainbow path is revealed... For now though, I guess I should take the baby step by 1st doing some stuff tt I've been procrastinating like since the beginning of time, like listening to webcasts & preparing for my [Jap 1] finals next Fri... Or doing the sch's feedback exercise... Or continue my quest to get an internship during the summer vacation, despite the preference to just stay @ home...
