Deep In Thought...

Short in length but much to think abt… I don’t know why, but my mind seems to be thinking abt unnessary stuff whenever I’m totally free (read: slacking)… Maybe [YH] is right… I’m troubled, aka stress, abt the upcoming army life tt I’ll be going through… *Groans*

Anyway, just a few days back, I was wondering the same old thing tt I’ve always been wondering for quite some time now… Should I even think abt starting a relationship now??? I mean, in the past, I knew better than to be in one cause study comes 1st… However, now tt exams are over, I could consider right, with so much time on my hands and all… Tt’s my heart talking… My brain on the other hand, is telling me tt it’s not the right time as clearly, I’m not the type who would place relationships as 1st priority… To me, gaming is my love… Hence no matter how much I longed to be loved, it’s not really… Correct as I don’t think I’m able to give my fullest attention and not doing tt totally defeats the purpose in being a relationship…

Imagine… My other half calls to ask me out for shopping/ movie watching/ stoning and what’s my reply??? ‘Sry, I can’t make it… I wanna stay @ home to play DOTA/ MS/ RO/ Digimon World 2…’ Can you reckon how horrible it is??? I betcha the relationship wouldn’t even last past a mth…

Oh WTH… Guess this is a very good example of yearning for something tt you don’t have… And once you have it, you realized tt it’s not so great after all… What can I say??? I’m human after all…

Anyway, probably last [Wed] or [Tue], I had a nightmare, one tt feels and sounds totally real to me… In the past, the dreams tt I have are all abt me and some hunks, which I totally know tt are not going to happen, not in a thousand years, or even in my next 10 lifetimes… Unless I’m reincarnated as a female, tt is… Anyway, I dreamt tt I’ve gotten back my exams result and I got a ‘B’ for [Maths]!!! Can you believe it?! A ‘B’!!! And tt’s not the end… I totally flunk my [GP] in tt dream of mine… Scored a G8 for it… Now, anyone seeing tt would know tt it’s not possible cause there’s only E8… But being in a dream, with illogical being the only logic, when I saw the ‘G’, and realized tt it’s after ‘F’, I immediately drew the conclusion tt I’ve flunk tt subject badly… Plus I still remember talking on the phone with [ShunMing], and going like ‘Shit, I fail my [GP], how am I going to face my dad???’ With tt, I got out of my nightmare, not feeling very well, wondering if whatever I’ve experience is indeed reality…

And tt’s not the end of my problems… I’m losing my appetite… Even when I’m hungry, when food is served, I feel full and can’t eat as much like I used to… I have no idea why my appetite can disappear so fast… Post exams stress??? Pre army stress??? Perhaps… Somehow, I feel tt it’s unjust… I want to touch my com more… Play MS like I’ve never played before… Yet I can’t thanks to whatever I’m going through… And to divine intervention as well… Of all the time to not have internet connection, it has to be now… Because of who knows what probs, I can only access the internet for the 1st 15 mins every time I turn on the com… Surprisingly though, I can use MSN to chat and receive pics, even though the transfer time is horrendously slow… Oh well, could be some virus or spyware tt couldn’t be detected… My dad’s contemplating re-formatting the com and I second tt… As long as he does it asap, and not after I enter you-know-where… It’s pointless then… Zzz…

Oh well… Signing off now… Heke… =D