I was supposed to blog abt a certain issue in my previous post as well, but I guess crossing paths with a complete stranger whom I consider as rather cute has gotten me a little... Distracted... -_-"'
Well, now tt it's in the middle of the night & I'm not really in the mood to watch any more videos for the day, I've decided to do some blogging to kill the time... Apart from logging into [FB] for the sole purpose of checking complete strangers out, as I've been doing ever since 1 yr ago, give or take a few days...
In life, I guess all of us will cross path with different ppl from all walks of life... I used to think tt this doesn't concern me @ all... What with me being a complete introvert, acquaintances just stay as tt, their status will never be upgraded... Combine this with my natural fear of strangers, I would admit tt I'm not quick to warm up to anyone...
The bottom-line??? I give of the impression tt I'm not very approachable...
However, the status quo changed around 15 mths ago, when I actually started uni life... Much as I like to shut myself up like I always do, I guess age has finally caught up with me and I'm starting to feel how lonely I am... The end result is tt I began to open up a little to my friends, sharing issues abt myself tt I'll never share THAT readily in the past...
In order words, I've began to not let whatever happened when I was in [KSS] haunt me any longer... I've actually let my guard down...
i initially thought this would work in my favor... Like, hey!!! Now tt I'm becoming slightly more sociable, perhaps my social circle could finally expand @ a faster pace... So, over these few mths, I've given it a shot and tried...
I would love to say tt despite the outcome not being what I've anticipated, I've made certain progress... However, truth be told, I'm really not sure whether I've made much progress @ all in the 1st place... But @ this pt in time, as I'm doing up this rather depressing post IMO, I'm sure of 1 thing...
I've completely & utterly lost who I am & I feel like I've accomplished nth but accumulate more regrets ever since 15 mths ago...
Okay, I admit tt this has been @ the back of my mind for quite some time already and all I've ever done was to push it to the back of my mind... And every single time when my feeble attempts to network failed, I'll delude myself by saying tt 'better luck next time!!!'... Tt false hope tt I've been harboring is no different to me slicing my arm up just to let it heal and slice it up once again, all the while pretending tt I won't be scarred @ all...
I guess the final straw came when someone whom I've always considered as a friend told me tt he has never considered me as a friend... This is as good as telling me tt the times we've had together hanging out, lunching & me lending a listening ear when you're down all meant nth and tt he has been playing with me...
It's 1 thing if we drifted apart after a while, but to say those words out loud, straight in my face... The hurt was really unimaginable... And the fact tt you've said it when you've had a fight with someone and you're not thinking clearly isn't really lessening the pain, not when there wasn't even an attempt to personally apologise...
It feels like what I've been thru in [KSS] all over... I feel like I've been stabbed in the back, betrayed... I guess I should let go of this and let go of more stuff, but I can't really bear to... Haha... In a sense I've sorta understand the magnitude of the saying tt it's hard to let go and harder to move on...
Perhaps in 29 days, when I make my way to the other side of the globe, when I'm away from this tiny red dot tt holds all these unpleasant memories, I might truly be able to heal my damaged heart... For now though, I think I better start to find more stuff to do to keep myself occupied...
While the hols are a good reprieve from the busy sch schedule, it has also given me more time to thing abt things tt I'd rather not thing abt... =(
