Broken...

I've warned myself time and time again not to push my luck... Yet what I loath abt myself is tt I couldn't resist trying anyway... Ugh...

The end result is always the same... I end up with ripping the gaping hole in my chest even bigger, wider... To think tt I'm such a perverse person to torture myself as such!!!

I should've shun away those temptations so tt I'm never broken... With the dmg already done, not even [Time] could help me be whole again... The pain and grief will numbe with it's help, but I'll never be perfect again...

Ha~... I'm now paying the price for the solitude which I've kept myself in for so long... I've caged my emotions for too long, such tt I've lost the ability to vent it out to lessen the pressure tt's building...

I wish to wail, but I couldn't find the tears...

I wish to scream in fustration, but I couldn't find the voice...

I wish to forget, but my memory refuses to obey...

I wish to be catatonic, but my consciousness refuses to grant me this wish...

I wish to be ignorant, but I'm after all, human...

I'm submerging in the bottomless pit which I've unknowningly created... Sinking deeper...

Pride + Envy...

Man... The past couple of days have been a rough emotional ride... It seems like I've ran out of jealousy juice and I'm just back to envying those who're currently dating...

Though there's a scar from all those emotional trauma which I've inflicted on myself, I've pasted tons of plasters over it as well as sew it up so tight tt there's not a chance of it bursting... LOL... The pressure is building like a dam tt's cracking up, but what the heck... As long as I'm living in my delusions and surviving, it's all tt matters isn't it???

(You need serious help... Like immediately!!!)

I shall just wait for my blind cupid to finally hit the desired target... Haha...

The following will no doubt make [XP] flip...

(I sense a change of emotions... Are you suffering from some bipolar disorder or something???)

I ran 5 km today!!! It's a good achievement considering my vocation and tt my main exercise regime consist only of finger exercise on a daily basis... I guess come 2009, [XP] and I must come up with some a plan to do some running on a weekly basis... After all, there's no PE lessons nor [NAPFA] in [NUS]... LOL... This shall be one of my resolutions for next year...

Come to think of it, perhaps I can schedule my runs on whenever [SH] has his lectures... Now this is a good plan... *Snaps fingers*

I met [SH] 2 days ago and his words have left me self-reflecting on my life once again... With the com being my only source of entertainment -

(It's gaming and reading a novel being your only source of killing the time ...)

- I've no choice but to concede to his point tt I don't have a life... On the other hand, if I were to analyse it deeper, I do have a life... It's just tt I prefer to spend it in solitude... I don't mind watching a movie, going window shopping in town alone forbidden... Why should I cancel my plans if no one wants to join me???

(It's also a hassle to co-ordinate the outing if the outing is an impromptu one...)

Hmmm... I should sign off now... I'm hearing voices again... LOL... =P

Random-ness @ Work...

I've decided tt if there's nth interesting or fun stuff to blog abt, I'd rather not blog... Blogging abt all those sad and hurting issues in my opinion, serves no purpose whatsoever except to ruin my own day if I were to re-read the entry again... Why should I bother to log down all those unhappiness??? I should be doing the reverse...

So, I was @ the office the other day and I chanced upon this entry in the [Jokes] thread in the forum on some useful description for ppl... Yes, I was having some free time on my hands and I've decided not to do shredding of paper... Like what my understudy mentioned, 'Why so serious???' LOL... Of course, there's a limit to everything... As long as I deliver my work on time, it's should pose a prob, right???

---

Some useful description of ppl you may come into contact with from day to day:

1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer...

2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching...

3. A room temp IQ... <-- Fav!!!

4. A photographic memory, but has no flim...

5. A prime candidate for natural de-selection...

6. During evolution, his ancestors were in the control group...

7. Fell out of the family tree...

8. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming...

9. Has 2 brains... 1 is lost and the other is looking for it...

10. He's so dense, the light bends around him...

11. It's hard to believe tt he beat 100,000 other sperms... <-- Personal fav!!!

12. Some drink from the Fountain Of Knowledge, but he just gargled...

13. Takes him a hour and a half to watch '60 Minutes'...

Nightmare...

For once, my subconcious mind actually sent me a warning on the horrible information tt I would soon receive a couple of days later... It's the 1st time tt I've received such prophetic warnings, so I wasn't sure what to make of the dream, initially, tt is... It's only when the earth shattering (to me only) news arrived tt I finally drew the connection...

(Am I really developing some subconcious clairvoyance ability???)

(I was super excited on the duo events tt was held on last [Sat], which explains the jarring resemblance to reality...)

I dreamt tt [The Gang] was having a meal @ [Mingles] and we were being our usual self - crazy and noisy... He was there as well and as I joined him @ the queue to place our orders, he dropped a bombshell on me... By those inexplainable dream logic, he was making out with a very tall guy, right in front of me...

To say tt the sight of what was unfolding before me as 'shocking' is an understatement... The double realisation tt dawned on me petrified me so much tt I was unable to move my eyes from tt disasterous scene... It's like I was numb, a numbness I once felt when she told me the whole truth 4 yrs ago, @ the void deck... Something I hope not to experience again...

To think tt he's gay yet his object of his desire isn't me is simply too much for my brain to process tt I wished tt I could just will my brain to shut down and tune everything out... To be in a catonic state and never wake up...

The nightmare ended just then as I was jolted awake by my subconcious sadistic torture... This is something tt I couldn't just forget, even after 4 days...

Recently, a close friend informed me tt he's experiencing what I've desired the most... Something which I've been harping abt for mths isn't happening on me... It's like some unknown forces is sadistic and hell bent on deriving joy by making me miserable... It's only when this appeared on my MSN screen tt I finally drew the connection b/w the dream and reality... Someone's gonna experience something which I would gladly give 10 yrs of my life for, but I would simply just be a spectator...

(I could be over-reacting, but I simply couldn't stop myself from thinking too much...)

I'm doubting my ability to function normally when I've free time on my hands... Or when my mind is left to wander... Ugh, I'm utterly disgusted with myself...

Contented...

On 13 Sep 08, my lunch was almost non-existence... Rather, the meal tt I had was a cross b/w a lunch and dinner, which is just as well as I can cut down on spending more cash than I've already have for dinner...

I was quite contented with the whole of yesterday, with being able to meet up with [SL] in the afternoon for my meal, and [The Gang] later on in the evening for the highly anticipated BBQ, which I'm attending purely because of the company, and not for the food... The cake is an exception... *Grins*

Then again, the only regret I have was not having enough guts to ask him to pose for a couple of photos... I've the impression tt he's not tt keen on photo-taking, as with most guys are... Overtly, [SH] is an exception, as you'll be able to see later on, what with his face appearing in almost every shot...

Oh well, enough with the yawn-inducing words...

@ [Mingles]...


[Bangers & Mash]... My order... I so shouldn't have ordered tt cheese sausage of mine... It's so embarrassing when the cheese spurted out!!! Can't believe he's there to witness tt... *Groans*
[Mingles Fish & Chips]... What [SL] had...
[Rosti With Sausage]... What [Bec] ordered...
[Sinful Brownie]... The dessert tt was shared by all...

[YH] ordered [Poached Salmon]... I forgot to take the pic when it was served... As well as my 2nd order - [Rosti]... Pity...

Stare @ tt the pice!!! It was a spure of the moment thingy, but I treated all of them... Without hesitation... Yes, I admit... I'm bloody bias... *Sticks tongue out*

@ BBQ...

A full-moon!!! I wonder if there's any werewolves then... *Ponders* -_-!!!

The b-day cake for both [YQ] & [JY]...

The b-day girl showing off her gift...

The other b-day girl with dreams for world peace... *Snickers*

My attempt to get get myself frozen in air with varying degrees of failure... I think I'm way too fat to defy gravity... BAH!!!

We are really jumping around alot...

This is awesome!!!

Finally!!! I managed to stay afloat... Guess I'm not so heavy after all... LOL...

The cake cutting process... Not in chronological order...

Some random moments... Once again, it's not in chronological order... The background of some pics tells all...

Last but not least, [The Gang]... Pity [Dar] couldn't make it... *Sigh*

Oh well, tt's abt it... I'm so proud of myself as I managed to not [Cabal] or [Audi] and blog instead... Kudos to my self-control!!! *Grins*

Side Biz...

Life has really been mundane... I'm really running out of stuff to talk abt... It seems out of place for me to bitch abt work related issues as it's hard for ppl to understand w/o 1st giving those background info and all... And you can't expect me to whine abt those same old stuff which I've been whining abt for the past 4 yrs right??? I can just imagine [SH]'s tag if I were to do tt... *Roll eyes*

I don't know when I'll outgrow this fascination with online gaming... I'm more or less gotten over with [MS]... [Audi] is more for fun when there's [MJ] to play with... As for [Cabal], it's the same case when I 1st fell for [MS]... Of course there're differences... The skills are flashier, we can craft items and the main captivating point abt the game??? The storyline... With a plot, @ least it makes me interested to continue playing the game to find out how it'll turn out in the end, unlike most online RPGs where you'll just train and train and train w/o any aim apart from being the strongest and having those god-like weapons...

Anyway, here's some screenshots of [Cabal] depicting my proudest moments...

I managed to do 16 combos twice!!! I confess, it's purely by luck...

OMG!!! It's 20 combos!!! This sudden burst of good luck must mean something... *Hints*

I managed to get 2 kills while doing combos... This is not luck... And yes, I cheated... Go figure...

Look @ the good graphics!!! Okay... Me drooling over these graphics is an indication tt I'm really desperate... And in need of some human interaction... I concede... Humans are social creatures... It does gets lonely after some time of solitude...

(Your life is after all, a freak show...)

I just can't wait to get into [NUS]...

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Movie Reviews/Recommendation...

Title: Twilight

Estimated Release Date: 25 Dec 08 in [Singapore]!!!

Webby: http://www.twilightthemovie.com/
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/twilight_movie.html

Plot: When Bella's mother remarries and sends her to live with her father in the little town of Forks, Washington, she meets the mysterious and dazzlingly beautiful Edward Cullen - a boy unlike any she's ever met. Intelligent and witty, he sees straight into her soul. Soon, Bella and Edward are swept up in a passionate and decidedly unorthodox romance, for Edward is a vampire. But he doesn't have fangs, and he doesn't drink human blood, as Edward and his family are unique among vampires in their lifestyle choice. To Edward, Bella is that thing he has waited 90 years for - a soul mate. But the closer they get, the more Edward must struggle to resist the primal pull of her scent, which could send him into an uncontrollable frenzy.

Extras (die die must view!!!):

OMG!!! I really can't wait... Zettai can't wait!!! Kyaaa~!!!