So Beautiful, It Hurts

Life is sometimes not beautiful, if you are beautiful. That is what Singapore's good-lookers say, in comments that may have the less genetically blessed rolling their eyes.

While their looks have helped open doors, their appearance has also made them the target of catty remarks and even wrecked friendships, say beautiful people interviewed by LifeStyle.

Sure, these pretty faces find it easier to skip the line at a club, break the ice when meeting new people or even get an extra serving of food at the hawker centre.

But MTV VJ Holly Grabarek, 22, recalls being stunned after a secondary school classmate told her that people liked her only because she was pretty.

'I felt judged and had no comeback for that,' she says, adding that her mother has always taught her not to get too caught up with her appearance.

The affable Grabarek, whose pan-Asian looks come from her Polish-American dad and Sinhalese-Chinese mum, qualifies that she does not think of herself as beautiful, though she has been told that she is 'nice-looking'.

She adds that she puts in more effort to be friendly so as not to be stereotyped as arrogant or intimidating because of her looks.

The ugly side of beauty is in the spotlight after a British columnist, Samantha Brick, wrote a piece in the Daily Mail newspaper earlier this month with the headline, There Are Downsides To Looking This Pretty: Why Woman Hate Me For Being Beautiful.

Her claim that women hated her just because of her looks created a global controversy. Brick said that female bosses singled her out at work for the way she dressed and labelled her a distraction to male employees; that she was passed over for a leadership course at work due to 'jealousy'; and that friends stopped inviting her to  their homes if she struck up a rapport with their husbands.

Some of Singapore's own bodacious bunch echoed her workplace woes.

The striking Ms Fiona Rankine, 45, admits that as a young woman, she played down her looks to make sure she was taken seriously at work. She wore glasses and dressed conservatively, and was diligent in her reading and research to always be prepared at meetings.

'I wanted to be viewed as a serious worker and not just a pretty face,' she says, adding that she was working in the male-dominated aerospace and defence industry at the time.

Now that she is older, it is a relief that people focus on her work experience rather than her looks.

Handsome Khalid Badib, 27, who works at a private equities firm, says that while he does get more attention from employers during interviews, it makes him feel awkward. 'The attention is good, but I don't want people to think that I got the job because of looks and not merit,' he says.

Still, it is a beautiful problem that many would envy, especially as The Economist magazine last year reported that the incomes of women and men in the United States who were deemed good-looking exceeded those of their less attractive counterparts by and average of 8 and 4 percent.

Career consultant Paul Heng says: 'In an ideal world, looks would not play a part in whether a person gets the job. But we shouldn't kid ourselves. In some jobs, especially the frontline types, looks could be essential to securing a contract or a deal.'

Ms. Linda Fulford, managing director of Singapore firm Fulford Public Relations, agree, adding: 'I'd like to say being good-looking doesn't matter, but judgments are made very quickly about people. If an attractive person walks into the room, he generally gets more attention. But he has to back it up with deliverance to show what he is about.'

Indeed, those with the X-factor say that a pretty face has helped them make headway in their careers, particularly in jobs such as sales, where first impressions count.

Entrepreneur Fergus Tan, 29, who was a banker with UOB Privilege banking, says that his looks made him more approachable to clients and they paid him more attention. In turn, that helped him hit above-average sales figures.

'Generally, clients are not so guarded because you don't look like you are going to cheat them. Sometimes, the world is a little bit superficial in that sense,' he says.

Engineer Christian Eber, 33, says his looks did help when he had to do door-to-door sales of his company's products and services. 'I guess getting an appointment with the secretaries of potential clients was easier,' he says with a laugh.

Because his wife sometimes gets uncomfortable about the attention he gets from women, the father of one is always quick to bring up his younger daughter in conversations and makes sure that any meeting with female clients takes place before 9 pm.

More minefields loom in other social situations too.

Miss Singapore Universe 2009 Rachel Kum, 27, says that in Hong Kong, where looks can help you get ahead of the line at nightclubs, she has been waved through, while her less attractive friends were denied that same privilege. 'I felt really horrible about it, but I usually try to wrangle the person in or I won't go in without them,' she says.

She adds that her looks make it harder for her to make female friends, as they often feel threatened b her.

He-man types do not have it all their own way, either. Martial arts instructor Juan Wen Jie, 28, may have chiselled features ad a buff build, but these has made him a party-pooper - he has been told by friends to back off from women they like so as not to ruin their chances.

Mr Gideon Tan, 20, who is self-employed, also feels that jealousy over his elfin, androgynous looks has also caused some acquaintances to keep a distance from him.

Similarly, tension has flared between actor Shane Mardjuki, 32, and his friends, especially if he is supposed to play wingman - the guy who helps another man chat up women. 'Sometimes, the girls would go for me instead of the man I was supposed to be wingman for. My friend would get a little upset, but if it's my goal to be wingman, I will keep pushing the atention to my friend,' he says.

Sociologist Paulin Straughan notes that good-lookers' belief that people hate them or feel threatened by them might not be grounded in reality.

'By thinking people are jealous of them, it could be a subconscious way of rationalising roadblocks in their relationships or careers. So it puts them on guard and sets off vibes which trigger negative reactions from those around them. It could be a catch-22 situation,' she says.

Still, these pretty people feel that more often than not, their looks work for, rather than against them, and they are not afraid to work that body, baby.

For example, beauty queen Kum is the face of her own cosmetics line, Rachel K. 'If I look good, people will immediately link that to my products and know that they can trust the product,' she says.

As Mardjuki puts it: 'Looks do matter and it doesn't hurt your chances one bit. You have to use whatever tools you have at your disposal and play whatever cards you have.'

- By [Kimberly Spykerman] & [Cheryl Faith Wee], taken from [The Sunday Times LifeStyle], 22 Feb 2012

It's interesting how news articles with topics that I'm covering for my mods always pop up when my mod's over... The 1st few lessons of my [MNO3313J] class discussed the personality side of employees' misbehavior & 1 of the readings tt I had to read was titled [Ugly Criminals]... In tt research paper, it was concluded tt ugly ppl are more likely to misbehave, engaging in organizational deviance, excluding white collar crimes (surprisingly, these crimes are committed by good looking people instead)... The article highlighted a couple of reasons why this could be so, how good looking people were given more opportunities to excel... As a result, the ugly people, with lesser to lose, would be more willing to commit organizational deviance...

Tt's the gist of it & I admit, my summary might not be THAT accurate considering tt it's been almost 3 mths since I've last read tt article, so I'm bound to forget bits & pieces of the content... Of course, I still have tt softcopy PDF file with me, but I'm not abt to re-read it just to blog abt it (not the main focus of this entry anyway)...

My prof also shared with us an article by the [The Economist] on how good-looking girls might be @ a disadvantage if they sent in their resume with their pic attached, while good-looking guys who do the same might find themselves having a higher chance of getting employed... Such is the reality of this world...

After reading all those articles, being not as genetically blessed as I hope I would be, I would think tt the pros of being good-looking far outweighs the cons of it... For starters, @ least I'll get lesser rejections when I attempt to chat some guys up in [Grindr]... Heck, I wouldn't mind having more guys trying to chat me up too... *Recall's [K]'s boasting abt his hundreds of unread [Grindr] requests when I've none*

Yes, I admit... I'm quite superficial...

Lost...

The last post was approx. 2 mths ago & even so, it was simply to highlight a newspaper article tt I found interesting... Truth be told, it has been really long since I did an actual post, writing down my thoughts...

I could blame it on the likes of [FB] & [Twitter], giving me the opportunities to air my split sec thoughts as & when I want, instead of taking the trouble of logging into [Blogger] & spending anything more than 10 mins thinking of ways to compose an entry tt doesn't come across as being too boring, blah, meh, whatever you wanna call it...

The truth is less complex... I'm simply too lazy to actually spend the time & effort to come up with a long blog post tt I'm notorious for composing... It's apparent tt I've lost focus on the true focus of this blog... When I 1st started this blog, I wanted to keep this like my personal online diary, rather than a physical one... The latter is simply too much hassle... You've to like find a nice book, write nicely, and with my inability to actually come up with coherent thought like on the 1st attempt, it would mean lots of corrections and stuff... I'm sure if I were to really keep a diary, I'll be so pissed even before the end of the 1st entry tt I'll just toss the idea away... Now, with the online medium, I can delete when the words doesn't make sense & it doesn't leave much of a trace anyway... Plus I think I can type wayyyyy faster than I can write... The signs of me being overly reliant with my com & forsaking the pen altogether...

I sense myself starting to digress... Back to the topic, this was supposed to be my weekly haven where I pen down my thoughts... But over time, my focused changed... Friends started commenting & I seemed to want them to read my entries... So when the whole blogging craze seemed to die down within my group of friends and they stopped visiting this blog, I simply stopped writing as frequently as I used to...

I'm not really expecting anyone to read this now, but I simply need to have an avenue to air my thoughts to no one in particular... It beats talking to a wall & having everyone mistaking you for nuts...

Anyway, to be really frank, I've not a clue what to do with my life... It's like I've been studying for so long tt I'm starting to feel... Exhausted... I secretly hoped tt I can do something more with my life, but @ the same time, I'm unwilling to move out of my comfort zone... I keep bemoaning the fact tt I'm still single & available, yet I'm reluctant to actually jump head 1st into the circle & get to know more ppl... I've tried the online way of meeting ppl & more often than not, things just don't go my way... Tt should give any rational dude to hit the gym, get toned, get lean, get hitched... But do I see myself hitting the gym??? Not a bloody fat chance... I see myself as unfit, yet I'm unwilling to do anything to change tt...

I believe it's the insecurity tt's holding me back... Maybe I'm really nuts to think tt strangers @ the gym will be scrutinizing my every move & @ the 1st sign of blunder, they'll mock me... So I've totally regressed to the stage where my [Fujitsu] laptop is now my currently my best friend... [Dragonica] & [MapleStory] won't abandon me... Well, except for every [Wed] where it'll be down for maintenance... But this is a much better deal than having a r/s where you'll only be free to meet like once a wk...

*Sigh* I do recognize tt what I've said reflects how pathetic & boring my life is based on society's norms... & I'm rationalizing my actions...

I guess I need some time to clear my mind before certain perspectives become clear to me & my rainbow path is revealed... For now though, I guess I should take the baby step by 1st doing some stuff tt I've been procrastinating like since the beginning of time, like listening to webcasts & preparing for my [Jap 1] finals next Fri... Or doing the sch's feedback exercise... Or continue my quest to get an internship during the summer vacation, despite the preference to just stay @ home...