I got more than I bargained for with tt decision to walk cause I ended up getting a little overwhelmed by the network of underpass tt connects a few of the office buildings with the [MRT] station... I decided not to go above ground to the [Promontory] cause @ around [1320 hrs], the sun is unbearable & I better listen to the doc & not move in the sun too much for fear of damaging my already damaged eyes...
I was following the underpass from [Exit I] & I ended up walking pass this building tt's called [The Sails] & some residential building... When I saw tt a residential area exists IN THE [CBD] area, I was like, 'Da hell?!' I mean, you've gotta be bloody rich to be able to afford living there... Then again, if you're working in the [Marina Bay] area, where all the financial entities are situated, I guess you probably have wayyyyyy too much money tt you've no idea where to throw it anyway... *Envies*
I reached the starting pt of [Marina Link Mall] before I needed to turn back & head to where I was supposed to be, which resulted in me being too early... Again...
So instead of entering [SHRI], I decided to lurk outside the entrance, looking @ the brochures tt're on display for a while before entering... Effectively, I was trying to blend into the walls, but it wasn't really working & I was trying not to freak & look like a retard when the lift dinged & spewed out another dude...
It wasn't helping tt when I took a sneak peek of him, he was kinda hot... & since he's attending the same event as me, there's no doubt abt his sexuality & tt simply threw me into the 'lovestruck schoolgirl mode'... The dude hesitate a moment before deciding to enter the office & I was debating if I should follow suit when the lift dinged again & spewed out another dude...
Deciding tt I'm no longer gonna stand @ the entrance like a retard, I hurriedly entered, registered & made my way into the function room... There [Mr. Good Looking] was, seated... I cautiously approached where he was seated & almost plopped myself in 2 seats away from him before reconsidering & move to sit beside him...
& tt was the end... I subsequently took my phone out to distract myself by checking into [4Square]... Tt only lasted for a while before I was resigned to stare @ the facilitators of the event, trying my hardest not to stare @ [Mr. Good Looking]... Another participant came & sat on the other side of [Mr. Good Looking] & after much nudging from the facilitators, both of them attempted some form of a conversation...
I could've jumped into the conversation & network, but for some reason, I was frozen, so all I did was listen to their conversation... Slowly, more guys came & I was just stoning, trying to hide somewhere but failing miserably...
The time came for the 1st activity where all of us have to really talk to one another & everyone seemed to be having a conversation with someone except me & [Mr. Good Looking], the 2 of us just started talking... & I get to know a little bit abt him... Of course, tt wasn't enough & due to time constrain, I didn't get to know him better & I had to move on to interact with more ppl...
I'm still working on the interacting with ppl part cause everytime when it drifted to the awkward silence part & I know it's time to move on, I just don't know how to react & make a nice exit... Walking away abruptly looks rude, so more often than not, I just stand there & stone while conversations continue on around me...
Okay, note to self: Devise an exit strategy for future conversations...
Anyway, the event yesterday was on the topic of coming out to family... & the discussion has been really thought provoking... When it comes to the part where I've to place myself in my parents' shoes, I can't really think of anything tt would make them react badly to my sexuality...
Religion isn't there to say tt I'm going to hell for it... I'm sure my parents know tt [HIV] isn't like casting [Death] & I'm just gonna drop dead on the spot... So really, it got me thinking why am I so fearful??? Just a couple of days ago when the doc @ [SNEC] discussed abt the possibility of me getting a white cane, my dad seemed to take it in his stride & even felt tt it's a good thing for me to be trained in using the white cane & to know a little bit of braille for identification purposes...
So much for me thinking tt they'll be adamant abt me needing such aids... *Snorts*
Yep, so they could also not react badly... & while it seems logical, tt unexplainable & irrational part of me just refuse to understand tt... & with the knowledge tt some other participants in the discussion had parents reacting badly, just seem to magnify tt fear...
We also discussed on how to come out to our parents & certain prep work is required... The 1st is to test the waters before dropping hints... I'm not sure when I should start testing the waters, but I'm feeling tt it should be soon cause it's indeed mentally draining having so many different sides of myself & trying not to let those parts of myself & the respective circle of friends collide with one another...
All in all, it has got me thinking abt the predicament tt I'm in & it has also spurred me to toy with the idea of volunteering for [OC]... After attending a few of those events & feeling how liberating to be able to actually be myself, I'm craving for tt environment again & volunteering allows me to gain access to tt... @ the same time, I could also expand my social circle, have more ppl to discuss what I'm going thru & basically feel tt I'm not alone in this...
Well, when the event ended, I once again engaged in my horrible habit of taking eons to decide... In this case, I was thinking if I should ask [Mr. Good Looking] if he would like to hang out with another participant, of course & get to know 1 another...
I hesitated too long & he left... So now all I have was the regret tt I should've opened my mouth & asked...
Anyway, so I ended up having another participant accompany me after the event... We first headed to [Lau Pa Sat] so tt I could get my dinner & him something light to much on... I wasn't intimidated by him so we managed to really talked & I got to know more abt him & how he deals with his sexuality... He was also really comfortable sharing more things abt him... Aiya, he was doing most of the talking & I was simply happy to listen...
After tt, we took a walk around the [Marina Bay] area cause I told him tt I'm really unfamiliar with the area (the excuse tt I wanna know where the underpass leads to came into handy here) & he offered to sort of show me around the place...
The best part of it all??? We stumbled upon the [NDP] rehearsal as we arrived @ the [Promontory] & so we decided to stayed there to view both the light show & the fireworks...
Good thing he suggested tt or I'll never know how exciting it was to see those jet planes flying over our heads or seeing fireworks personally...
Okay, side note: I know the pics suck... I totally didn't know tt the reaction time for the camera's so freaking slow... Like press le, then 1 sec later it snaps the pic... By then, the fireworks are gone & it's only the black sky tt was being captured... Zzz... -_-"'
By the time we actually decide to move out from [Promontory] it was like [2045 hrs] & everything around the [Raffles Place] area was closed, so there's no way [WX] could've found anything to eat nearby... He subsequently decided on going to [Bugis], but I couldn't really stay out too late, so we parted ways then... I kinda feel bad not accompanying him for his dinner considering tt he was nice enough to spend tt entire evening accompanying me... Urgh... X_X
