Thursday, October 03, 2013

Dealing With Rejection...

Your job interview preparation went well.

You recorded the mock interview with a friend and fixed whatever aspects of the interview you felt you were weak in.

The company was researched from top to bottom.

You prepared a strong case as to why you were the best candidate for the position, you asked thoughtful questions during and at the close of the interview.

Your skills and qualifications seemed to match what the employer wanted.

The employer would be a good fit for your skills and there would be room for advancement.

You sent a focused and well-written thank you letter the day after the job interview.

In other words, it seems that you did everything right.

Then you get the bad news - a letter of rejection, or after you make a follow-up phone call, the company tells you it has hired someone else.

You are left wondering where you went wrong.

Rejections fall into three main areas:
  •  The employer feels you won't be able to do the job;
  • You lack a key skill or qualification; or
  • You will not fit in with the culture of the department or the company.
Ask for feedback

If possible, call the interviewer, thank him again for his time and ask him - in order to help you in your future job search - why you were not chosen for the job.

Most interviewers will not tell you anything productive, but occasionally they will answer the question.

For example, you were not hired because your interview skills were lacking, or the person hired had more experience or had worked in the industry while you came from another industry, and so on.

Listen politely to the interviewer's concerns, indicate you understand and again thank him for his time.

Follow up wih a letter addressing these concerns but remind the interviewer of your qualifications for the job.

Perhaps you can list an accomplishment that directly bears on the No. 1 challenge in the job.

Indicate your continued interest in the job. This places you in an excellent position if the person hired stumbles or quits.

Rather than go through the whole expensive recruiting process again, the interviewer will remember you and give you a call.

Or perhaps the workload has increased and he has another identical slot to fill - again you may have another job opportunity.

Fill the gaps

Now go back and study the possible reasons for rejection.

If it is because you might not be able to do the job, you need to examine how your skills would fit the job requirements.

Also, you might improve on crafting your stories of relevant accomplishments.

If you appear to be missing a key skills or qualification and it seems to be a requirement for a number of possible jobs, how can you overcome this problem?

An immediate course of self-study, getting together with your mentor for his ideas, signing up for an appropriate course at a local college, attending a seminar or workshop should add the appropriate weight to your experience.

You also should take a critical look at your job and other experience.

Perhaps a job you performed for your local Chamber of Commerce will be an acceptable substitute.

Your challenge is to package and communicate the skill so it satisfies the needs of the prospective employer.

Project the right image

Regarding the conclusion that you might not fit in with the corporate culture, that is a difficult objection to overcome.

It can be partly set aside by more research of the company.

Uncover individuals who recently left the company (search on LinkedIn) and speak to them about the corporate environment.

Use every rejection as a chance to learn and improve your job-hunting strategy.

What you learn can be properly reflected in your resume, cover letter and interview. As your skills increase, your chances of finding and accepting the right job will go up too.

- By [John Groth], taken from [CATS Recruit], 3 Oct 2013


Monday, September 09, 2013

Lessons From A Dead Intern...

Moritz Erhardt was just 21 when he collapsed in his dormitory last month after pulling three all-nighters in a row at the bank he was interning at.

A 'superstar' well-regarded by his Bank of America Merrill Lynch colleagues and fellow interns in London, the German's bright future was so ironically snuffed out because he was doing what any earnest job-seeker would do - putting in the punishing long hours and the required slog to get himself into the fraternity.

For him, that was a mind-boggling 72 hours straight, apparently. If that was true, it sounds totally crazy - flogging your brain to work non-stop like that, without thinking about the damage it wrecks on your body; much like revving an engine and not believing the motor will overheat.

Call it ambition, passion or plain foolhardiness, no one should die working.

Former interns say working long hours is a rite of passage; you haven't earned your stripes if you haven't pulled an all-nighter. Others say it's a competition to impress, and interns sometimes pretend to be hard at work and hang around the office so they can be seen.

Either way, it can be said that if you want the job badly enough, you'll do whatever it takes. Because quite frankly, as an intern with no life experience and even less work experience, what can you bring to the table except your youthful vitality and a willingness to take on anything thrown at you?

Desperate for the experience, some young people practically beg to intern for free. I was lucky that I got $600 when, fresh out of film school, I had an opportunity to be an intern on a movie set for a month.

In that one month, I slept an average of four hours a night. I blew all my hard-earned money on cabs to rush me to work in the morning if I had overslept, and to ferry a weary me home at the end of a typical 17-hour-day.

I did the grunt work every day, seven days a week - carrying heavy equipment up and down long flights of stairs, buying meals for the cast and crew, directing traffic and getting abused by disgruntled drivers.

I ate at odd hours of the day, sometimes not eating at all. I dropped 5 kg over those four weeks.

But when you are 23, you don't think about what you're doing to your health: you think you're indestructible.

You can pull an all-nighter and still go clubbing the next day. All-nighters are what you used to pull in school not that long ago whenever examiniation season rolled around. Then, all you needed were Mars bars and Coke to keep you going.

I probably battered my body pretty badly in that one month - although I haven't noticed any signs of long-term damage - but I was at least thankful that I wasn't stuck in an office doing completely irrelevant or boring things, like photocopying reams of documents, licking envelopes or making coffee.

Plus, I was actually getting paid.

But invincibility wears thin with age.

While I cannot fathom going for 72 hours at a stretch, I remember vividly the day I hit my record nearly 10 years ago.

That day, I clocked 24 hours in the newsroom as I race to put out a 20-page special supplement.

By 8 the next morning, I was convinced my speech was starting to slur, I felt like I was 'floating' around the room, and I wondered if I was of sound mind to drive myself home to take a much-needed shower.

I crashed onto my bed post-shower relieved that what seemed like an endless work day was finally over and the product had gone to print - and woke up fours later to go back to the office.

These days, I can barely keep my eyes open past 3 am no matter how many cups of coffee I've downed. I take days to recover from writing late into the night. And as I type this at 2.43 am, I'm acutely aware that there will be hell to pay in the morning and I'm not going to like what I see when I look into the mirror.

Erhardt paid the ultimate price for thinking he was unbreakable. But no job is worth abusing yourself for.

- By [Tan Dawn Wei], from [SundayLife!], 8 Sep 2013

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

A Day Out Of The House...

On a whim, I've decided to make an attempt to revive this blog... Perhaps writing a diary could indeed be therapeutic... Well, I think I've read somewhere tt writing down your thoughts could help you sort & organize them or something along tt lines... LOL... Yep, after I made tt statement, I went to [Google] whether there're any benefits to writing a journal / diary...

& indeed there were, so I've successfully assured myself tt I didn't remember the wrong stuff...

& @ this rate of checking every claim tt I made, I'm so gonna get distracted from blogging... HAHA...

I shall try my best to focus in this day & age where technology has effectively shortened the attention span of everyone to mere seconds... Or to a mere 140 characters...

Anyway, over the weekend, [Saturday] to be really precise, I kinda forced myself to step out of the house & to socialise...

Oh, but before tt, I had a job interview to attend to @ [Joo Koon]... Yeah, the company's operating on a 5.5 day wk & despite how unappealing working on alternate [Sats] can be, I've resolved to just suck it up & look on the bright side of things: The opportunity to learn & obtain REAL HR related work experience...

Yeah... After going for countless job interviews & not being successful in all of them, I'm seriously being tested on my ability to be optimistic... Tt things will get better eventually & I'll get a good job soon...

I just need a recruiter to be willing to take tt chance to give my blank sheet of paper a try... In the meantime, I need to someone to help me to market myself... So much for being a [Biz] major huh... *Dry laugh*

Anyways, after the interview ended, I decided to walk the distance of 2 bus stops - according to [Google Maps], it's around 950m - instead of taking the bus as walking would allow me to (1) save some cents, (2) exercise and (3) kill some time before my next appointment, which is scheduled to begin @ [1400 hrs]...

I arrived @ [Orchard] stn kinda early (duh), so I decided to just walk around [ION] aimlessly before getting kinda bored with it & simply decided to just stone around the stn...

Quite a no. of ppl tt're attending the lunch meeting were late & the fact tt I was starting to get a little hungry made the wait kinda a little unbearable... A hungry man's an angry man what... Haha...

I did attempt to get to know the guys who arrived early & did some small talk here & there... But tt's abt it... I'm still unwilling to go all out like exchange nos. or make empty promises to 'keep in touch'...

Not tt it really matters... I think the whole pt is to just get to know more ppl & be acquainted with those ppl, never mind tt contacts were not exchanged...  If I were to bump into any of them again in the future, then good for me... Otherwise, I shall just move on...

Okay, more abt this later... Lemme get back to recounting my lunch exp...

I kinda made a mistake during lunch... I decided to go for the ice-cream buffet instead of ordering a normal main course... I mean, it's kinda of a waste to be not have the ice-cream buffet when you're @ [ION]'s [Swensen's] - the only [Swensen's] where you can have an ice-cream buffet... It's a mistake because by ordering a buffet when everyone's not doing so, I just forced myself to leave the table every now & then to get more food & this translates to me missing out on certain parts of the conversation every now & then...

This reminds me of the talk tt I went to regarding biz etiquette during the job fair a couple of wks ago... Tt even though it's a lunch event, the 'lunch' part is really sort of an excuse...

Lesson learned...

When the lunch ended, most of the guys decided to head over for the [Indignation] event, but I couldn't tag along cause I've already decided to attend [OC]'s [We Are Family]... I initially wanted to walk to [Chinatown], from [Orchard], but I decided against it as I definitely wouldn't be able to make it within 1 hr... Instead, I followed the guys to [Clarke Quay] before walking... What can I say, I really like to walk... LOL...

The [OC] event was partially insightful, as I got to know a little more abt the gay scene in [Malaysia], as well as what it's like being gay in a country tt's more conservative... Event aside, I was kinda surprised to see a familiar face - [WX] - attending the event & during the break, we sort of did a little catching up...

It's amazing tt it has indeed been more than a yr when I 1st got to know him... I still remember tt we hung out @ the [Marina Bay] area then & I got to see some fireworks due to the [NDP] rehearsals... =)

This time, after the [OC] event, we hung out again & we 1st made our way to [Bugis+] cause [WX] wanted to nom on [Poulet]... I was still kinda full from my ice-cream buffet, so I simply settled on some caramalised apple tart tt comes with a scoop of vanilla ice-cream... For [$7.80], I think it's not really worth the money... The bread pudding, for a dollar less, was really nice & more filling la...

After the dinner, [WX] accompanied me to the [Singapore Night Festival] & boy was I glad tt I actually asked him to join me... Otherwise, I probably wouldn't be able to navigate around the festival cause some of the roads were really dark, esp @ the [National Museum of Singapore], where there were no street lighting @ all...

My main purpose was to check out the magic show by [JC Sum] & [Magic Babe Ning], but since we were kinda early, [WX] was really awesome to bring me to check out the other stuff tt's happening @ the night festival, particularly the various light shows..

When it was time for the magic show, we managed to secure a good spot to watch it... Or rather, there wasn't any tall ppl in front of where I stood, so I was able to get a good view of the stage... Then again, it's an aerial escape act tt the 2 magicians were performing, so even if I couldn't see the stage, tt's not very impt anyway...

The straitjacket escape act was cool to watch... But it wasn't very exciting cause the burning rope tt the magicians were dangling from were really thick & I reckon tt it'll take longer than the 3 plus mins tt the magicians took to escape from their straitjackets before it burns to the pt of snapping...

& I'm sure [WX]'s explanation of the tricks involved sort of took some of the excitement away too... Then again, I do already know tt there's some form of trick involved in these kinda magic / escape acts...

[WX] suggested tt we checked out the [Absolute Canvas] exhibition after the magic show & I agreed since such exhibitions don't happen tt often & since I'm already @ the museum's entrance, might as well, right???

The exhibition was on [Absolute Vodka] & it showcased the various bottle designs around the world... There were even some limited edition bottles on display... They were touted as the 'holy grail' of [Absolute Vodkas] & they supposedly have a price tag of > $150k...

As i walked around the exhibition, I cursed myself for not bringing along a camera... My phone bat's dying & using the tablet to take pics is just stupid... Actually, I don't really like to use my smart devices as a camera cause I find tt the quality isn't as great...

The lack of any anti-shake function always result in the pics being blurry... Zzz... =S

Overall, it was nice attempting to be artsy & check out the really interesting stuff @ the night festival... I've already made up my mind to do this again next yr... Wheee~!!! ^_^

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Virtual Dinner Talk...

A recent Singapore study found that children using smartphones and tablets are prone to tempter tantrums and bad posture.

I didn't need scientists to tell me that high-tech e- devices destroy emotional and social intelligence. An average meal with my tech-savvy family quickly shows why the world should rage against the machine.

I miss the good old days when diners brought only themselves to the table. Nowadays, they arrive with one or more electronic appendages, eyes glued to the screen rather than whatever spread the chef of the day has decided to present. My mother is the worst offender, even on days when she cooks.

It is only when someone (usually me) complains: 'It's getting cold!' that the diners grunt, sending a final few messages before placing their smartphones down with the attitude of a gunslinger setting his weapon aside in hostile territory.

It takes a while for the glaze to dissipate from their eyes and the brain to switch from virtual social-networking mode to real-time socialising (also known as conversation).

Yet, it will inevitably be only a few seconds before one or more phones let out a buzz or chirp. All grab their devices to check who has been so summoned and - regardless of who really got that text or Facebook like or advertisement for making $$$ in your spare time - transform instantly into a hunched-over Medusa-stunned statue, motionless except for rapidly moving eyes and fingers.

The device-less diners (usually me) take a deep breath and count to 30. Twice.

'Pass the salt.' I say.

'Mmm.'

'Your sleeve is in the soup.'

'Mmm.'

'Aren't you done yet? It's rude to use your phone at the table.'

'Mmm? But it's work / your aunt / someone with the same name as your uncle's old school friend / a wrong number that I think I recognise.' comes the reply in tones of sweet reasonableness.

'Do you absolutely have to respond now or can it wait the 20 minutes until we finish dinner?'

'Mmm.' The offender completes his or her message and finally looks up - only to grab the phone again within seconds. 'Oh look, they responded so quickly. It would be rude not to reply as fast.'

Once upon a time, my family had an iron-clad rule against bringing books to the table. Avid readers all, we fell so deeply into the stories that we forgot to have conversations. And our sleeves kept getting wet with curry.

For similar reasons, when I was growing up, we rarely watched TV with dinner. We sat around the dining table talking, or quarrelling, or playing singing games until late at night.

Smartphones and tablets have somehow slipped past these rules. Some friends think this is because smart devices may aid conversation. Forgot the name of the city you went to on holiday? A quick search of Google Maps will reveal which of three possible places it could be. Want to recommend a good book or movie? Show the Amazon ranking or play a trailer on YouTube.

These same friends believe that quality time means meeting up in a big gang at restaurants, where we each quietly bend over individual devices and play networked games. 'The conversation hasn't stopped, it's just moved online,' is the excuse.

Mmm. Am I alone then in believing that conversation is about more than exchanging words, it is about reading body language and exchanging those subtle, inaudible physical signals which reassure companions that they are noticed, valued and even loved?

A common sight at restaurants these days is a family of four all glued to their devices. I wonder whether these parents have estimated the possible cost of such peace and quiet at the dinner table. These are the situations in which children learn to hold conversations with their elders - at least, I did - and are quietly reassured that their woes will find a listening ear within the family.

I have no objections to smartphones and tablets making their appearance during business meetings. In many cases, these devices are absolutely necessary. Sales staff pitching a new product or story might need to show a presentation, or, during an internal meeting, staff might need online research tools to quickly unearth pertinent contributions.

Yet a geek friend of mine made a telling point recently. Her job is after-sales care for high-tech software of the sort that is used only by other geeks in equally technical professions. Since the software is often upgraded, her company has been trying for a while to convince users in Asia to subscrive to free online post-upgrade tutorials, which staff conduct in person via a video network connection. But oddly, their custonmers, all erudite e-device users, would rather pay for my friend and her colleagues to show up in person and teach. When it comes to truly important discussions, it seems nothing reassures like face-to-face interaction.

Indeed, I have noticed that when work-related meetings reach a crucial moment, devices are absent or even ostentatiously stowed away. The absence of these devices is telling: It sends the strongest of signals that right here, right now, nothing is more important than focusing on the physical presence of the person to be appeased.

When friends and loved ones whip out their smartphones and tablets, the signal given consciously or unconsciously is that the bodies around them no longer matter. Even if it is for only one second, it is a second that can communicate a world of hurt.

Increasingly, I feel isolated even when surrounded by friendly faces. Each is in his own little online world sending smileys to strangers while I wait for eye contact and a grin.

It reminds me of an advertisement I once saw, exhorting people to put their mobile devices away and interact with friends and family instead. The almost silent fottage showed people gazing intently at tablets and smartphones, while next to them, their parents, children and lovers turned invisible.

When I told an offending friend this over coffee, she was silent for a while. 'It sounds intense,' she said finally. 'You should share that video. I bet I can find it online,' she added, hunching immediately over her smartphone.

On the plus side, she didn't notice as I ate all her cake. There are a few perks to being invisible.

- By [Akshita Nanda], taken from [SundayLife!], 16 Jun 2013

Saturday, May 04, 2013

New Beginnings...

It has indeed been ages since I last blogged... I guess with the various forms of social media such as [FaceBook] & [Twitter] where I can post my thoughts & obtain almost instant feedback, there doesn't seem much of a pt to blog when I've to wait days for my friends to reply / comment on my thoughts...

Yes, I've a strong sense of present bias, apparently...

Yesterday was the 1st & last of my exams for the sem... & with tt, my university life has officially come to an end... Unlike the previous times when I transit through different stages of [SG]'s formal education system, this time, I'll be entering the working world... I've never liked the working a.k.a adult world... Ideas of 'responsibilities', 'insurance', 'office politics', 'networking' all seem to be associated with the adult world & I want no part of those...

I prefer to remain in the status quo... To study... To gain new knowledge... To forever be around 20+ yrs old hot young men...

My resistance to change is showing...

Anyway, I'm motivated to do this entry by [Steph]... She mentioned tt since she is currently 'unemployed', she shall start a blog entry detailing her 1st 30 days of unemployment... To log down the struggles tt she'll no doubt be experiencing as she attempt to gain employment...

I'm pretty sure tt the 1st few days of her entries (assuming tt she's really serious), will not be THAT depressing... Considering tt she's planning a hiking trip to the [Southern Ridges] this coming [Wed] & a staycation the following wk... I'm also involved in both of those activities, so this few wks of unemployment will be rather happening for myself too... LOL...

Anyway, after hearing what [Steph] was planning to do, I thought to myself, 'Maybe I should do some blog entries too... After all, I haven't been blogging for ages already...'

'Maybe I could also improve on my English...'

& so this blog is revived... Partially... I do realised tt the layout's kinda sucky... I've never had a flair for design, so I'm not gonna bother abt it... Though it's quite tempting to revert back to the previous skins tt I've used instead of changing them to new ones...

Then again, I just checked my com & I noticed tt I didn't save (or I lost) the codes for the skins tt I've previously used... HAIZZZZZ... ='(

Back to yesterday...

[Steph] mentioned tt she was going to town for lunch... To be even more precise, she's gonna be dining @ [Mandarin Gallery]... I decided to tag along since I've never been to [Mandarin Gallery] before... Mountain tortoise TTM, I know...

[Jones The Grocer] was the restaurant tt we went to & boy was the food there ex... Okay, it's in [Mandarin Gallery], so I shouldn't even be surprised tt it's pricey... So being the poor student (or rather, unemployed dude) tt I was, I was really trying to find something cheap & edible... A bowl of soup seems too little for a meal & I doubt I can survive on tt till my other dinner date @ 1900 hrs...

The end result??? I settled for some mushroom & chicken pie, & a cuppa hot chocolate with mint... I'm totally loving the latter cause THERE'S MINT!!! I absolutely love anything with mint in them... LOL...

I actually forgot the purpose of why [Steph]'s actually heading to [Jones The Grocer] when I placed my order... My memory was jolted when the waitress served us with a bowl of mushroom soup...

'Oh yeah, [Steph]'s here cause of her friend who's working as a chef...'

Yeah, so I ended up with a complimentary shroom soup too... It's those thick shroomy kinda soup... Not the creamy ones, which I like... HAHA... Well, it's a good thing tt I got the complimentary soup cause my pie's kinda puny so the soup kinda added the additional sustenance tt my stomach needed to survive for the next 5 hrs or so...

Oh, there's also a complimentary dessert by [Steph]'s friend... I was kinda paiseh to like leech on [Steph]'s contacts, so I ended up suggesting ordering 1 dessert to share since [Steph]'s kinda full too & I'm trying not to overeat on desserts least I really end up inflating since my metabolism is supposedly on the decline now tt I've reached the age of 25...

So we had a blackforest cake & the cake was kinda unique since there's banana in it too... I'm not a foodie, so I shall not go into the details of it cause my account's probably highly inaccurate...

It was also really nice of [Steph]'s friend to give us a staff discount of 20%, so it wasn't really tt painful on my wallet after all... LOL... XD

Met up with [DH] & [Mich] after lunch & the 4 of us subsequently went walking around [Orchard Rd]... Well, I was mainly doing the walking & checking into [4Square]... The other gals did some shopping... It was good company to banter...

I even stopped by [A&F] to check out the cologne... I just might consider buying it... I kinda like the scent, though I must remember not to spam it... It kinda gets a little unbearable if it's too strong...

Wow... I'm actually contemplating using a cologne... HAHA...

Okay... Actually, the main pt of me actually stepping into [A&F] is to check out the topless model... & BOY WAS THE MODEL STATIONED @ THE ENTRANCE EPICLY HOT... For the past 3 visits or so, the models had always been of 'meh' quality... Sure they've abs & everything... But the looks aren't just my cuppa tea, as much as eye candies go... But the model yesterday!!! GAWD... I seriously wanted to touch his abs, chests & arms... Basically any exposed skin area... HAHA... XD

In the end, I simply just ogled @ him from afar & didn't muster enough courage to take a pic with him...

I'm now full of REGRETS...

Around [1900 hrs], I headed to [PS] with the intention to borrow some novels, but tt didn't work out cause the books were still on loan... Bummer...

Then I met up with some dudes from the [BW Forum] for meal... There were some familiar faces, so it wasn't tt awkward... & I managed somehow managed to get comfy & chat with some of them...

I ended up not eating cause I wasn't exactly hungry, so @ [Hifumi], I settled for the free flow of drinks while the rest had the usual proper set meal tt comes with a main course & free flow of noms from the appetizer bar...

1 of my eye candy was there & it was kinda nice to chat with him... But it was slightly marred by the fact tt i think he's taken... *Sigh*

I overheard the other guys talking & they were commenting tt he's seeing some other equally cute dude while we were waiting @ the train station & MY HEART SANK when I digested tt info... Like, damn!!! Just when I thought I finally had the chance to try hitting on a guy... HAIZZZZZ... =(

Oh well, the overall dinner exp was great & I'm working my way to knowing those dudes better... Get more acquainted with the gay community so I don't feel so left out...

Tt said, I should re-consider volunteering @ [OC] again... This time, really put things into motion...



Sunday, June 24, 2012

Dissipating Fog...

Yesterday, I participated yet again in another [OC] event... It was held in @ [Raffles Place] area & as usual, I arrived early, so I decided to do a little walking & exploration of the area in general before heading to [Singapore Human Resource Institute]...

I got more than I bargained for with tt decision to walk cause I ended up getting a little overwhelmed by the network of underpass tt connects a few of the office buildings with the [MRT] station... I decided not to go above ground to the [Promontory] cause @ around [1320 hrs], the sun is unbearable & I better listen to the doc & not move in the sun too much for fear of damaging my already damaged eyes...

I was following the underpass from [Exit I] & I ended up walking pass this building tt's called [The Sails] & some residential building... When I saw tt a residential area exists IN THE [CBD] area, I was like, 'Da hell?!' I mean, you've gotta be bloody rich to be able to afford living there... Then again, if you're working in the [Marina Bay] area, where all the financial entities are situated, I guess you probably have wayyyyyy too much money tt you've no idea where to throw it anyway... *Envies*

I reached the starting pt of [Marina Link Mall] before I needed to turn back & head to where I was supposed to be, which resulted in me being too early... Again...

So instead of entering [SHRI], I decided to lurk outside the entrance, looking @ the brochures tt're on display for a while before entering...  Effectively, I was trying to blend into the walls, but it wasn't really working & I was trying not to freak & look like a retard when the lift dinged & spewed out another dude...

It wasn't helping tt when I took a sneak peek of him, he was kinda hot... & since he's attending the same event as me, there's no doubt abt his sexuality & tt simply threw me into the 'lovestruck schoolgirl mode'... The dude hesitate a moment before deciding to enter the office & I was debating if I should follow suit when the lift dinged again & spewed out another dude...

Deciding tt I'm no longer gonna stand @ the entrance like a retard, I hurriedly entered, registered & made my way into the function room... There [Mr. Good Looking] was, seated... I cautiously approached where he was seated & almost plopped myself in 2 seats away from him before reconsidering & move to sit beside him...

& tt was the end... I subsequently took my phone out to distract myself by checking into [4Square]... Tt only lasted for a while before I was resigned to stare @ the facilitators of the event, trying my hardest not to stare @ [Mr. Good Looking]... Another participant came & sat on the other side of [Mr. Good Looking] & after much nudging from the facilitators, both of them attempted some form of a conversation...

I could've jumped into the conversation & network, but for some reason, I was frozen, so all I did was listen to their conversation... Slowly, more guys came & I was just stoning, trying to hide somewhere but failing miserably...

The time came for the 1st activity where all of us have to really talk to one another & everyone seemed to be having a conversation with someone except me & [Mr. Good Looking], the 2 of us just started talking... & I get to know a little bit abt him... Of course, tt wasn't enough & due to time constrain, I didn't get to know him better & I had to move on to interact with more ppl...

I'm still working on the interacting with ppl part cause everytime when it drifted to the awkward silence part & I know it's time to move on, I just don't know how to react & make a nice exit... Walking away abruptly looks rude, so more often than not, I just stand there & stone while conversations continue on around me...

Okay, note to self: Devise an exit strategy for future conversations...


Anyway, the event yesterday was on the topic of coming out to family... & the discussion has been really thought provoking... When it comes to the part where I've to place myself in my parents' shoes, I can't really think of anything tt would make them react badly to my sexuality...

Religion isn't there to say tt I'm going to hell for it... I'm sure my parents know tt [HIV] isn't like casting [Death] & I'm just gonna drop dead on the spot... So really, it got me thinking why am I so fearful??? Just a couple of days ago when the doc @ [SNEC] discussed abt the possibility of me getting a white cane, my dad seemed to take it in his stride & even felt tt it's a good thing for me to be trained in using the white cane & to know a little bit of braille for identification purposes...

So much for me thinking tt they'll be adamant abt me needing such aids... *Snorts*

Yep, so they could also not react badly... & while it seems logical, tt unexplainable & irrational part of me just refuse to understand tt... & with the knowledge tt some other participants in the discussion had parents reacting badly, just seem to magnify tt fear...

We also discussed on how to come out to our parents & certain prep work is required... The 1st is to test the waters before dropping hints... I'm not sure when I should start testing the waters, but I'm feeling tt it should be soon cause it's indeed mentally draining having so many different sides of myself & trying not to let those parts of myself & the respective circle of friends collide with one another...

All in all, it has got me thinking abt the predicament tt I'm in & it has also spurred me to toy with the idea of volunteering for [OC]... After attending a few of those events & feeling how liberating to be able to actually be myself, I'm craving for tt environment again & volunteering allows me to gain access to tt... @ the same time, I could also expand my social circle, have more ppl to discuss what I'm going thru & basically feel tt I'm not alone in this...

Well, when the event ended, I once again engaged in my horrible habit of taking eons to decide... In this case, I was thinking if I should ask [Mr. Good Looking] if he would like to hang out with another participant, of course & get to know 1 another...

I hesitated too long & he left... So now all I have was the regret tt I should've opened my mouth & asked...

Anyway, so I ended up having another participant accompany me after the event... We first headed to [Lau Pa Sat] so tt I could get my dinner & him something light to much on... I wasn't intimidated by him so we managed to really talked & I got to know more abt him & how he deals with his sexuality... He was also really comfortable sharing more things abt him... Aiya, he was doing most of the talking & I was simply happy to listen...

After tt, we took a walk around the [Marina Bay] area cause I told him tt I'm really unfamiliar with the area (the excuse tt I wanna know where the underpass leads to came into handy here) & he offered to sort of show me around the place...

The best part of it all??? We stumbled upon the [NDP] rehearsal as we arrived @ the [Promontory] & so we decided to stayed there to view both the light show & the fireworks...


Fireworks Fireworks (5) Fireworks (4) Fireworks (3) Fireworks (2)

Good thing he suggested tt or I'll never know how exciting it was to see those jet planes flying over our heads or seeing fireworks personally...

Okay, side note: I know the pics suck... I totally didn't know tt the reaction time for the camera's so freaking slow... Like press le, then 1 sec later it snaps the pic... By then, the fireworks are gone & it's only the black sky tt was being captured... Zzz... -_-"'

By the time we actually decide to move out from [Promontory] it was like [2045 hrs] & everything around the [Raffles Place] area was closed, so there's no way [WX] could've found anything to eat nearby... He subsequently decided on going to [Bugis], but I couldn't really stay out too late, so we parted ways then... I kinda feel bad not accompanying him for his dinner considering tt he was nice enough to spend tt entire evening accompanying me... Urgh... X_X

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Taking A Peek Out Of The Closet...

My past few entries have been nth but interesting news articles tt I've chanced upon on the rare occasion tt I actually bother with the newspapers... Not tt I've nth to blog abt... I do... It's just tt my thoughts have always been really jumbled & I see no pt in blogging a short paragraph of thoughts when [Twitter] seems to be able to serve tt purpose more effectively...

The other reason tt I used to blog frequently was tt it appealed to my need for attention... Sometimes it's hard to really pour out my feelings in front of my friends & I would rather they find out how I'm feeling thru this medium... However, most of the ppl in [The Gang] has since got over the allure of blogging in pursuit of more instant gratification... So while tt kinda discouraged me a little in blogging (I mean, if no one bothers abt this, then it's as good as keeping a physical diary & I'm never a diary kinda person), there're still instances when I actually wanna unload just to the interwebz... I guess a small part of me hoped tt if I were to write everything down, my thought would be more coherent & as a result of tt, I would be able to see things in a better perspective, get enlightened...

As much as I hate writing reports & stuff, I can actually get really long winded when I get carried away, which I kinda foresee will happen in this entry...

I've never actually given up [MapleStory]... There were a few periods of time tt I actually grew bored with it & took a hiatus from it, but when new content came out or when I'm sufficiently deprived of games, I'll always go back to this game... Well, this is no surprise considering tt I'm never a huge fan of change...

Ice & Brak (8) This was when [XP]'s still playing the game like half a yr back... The monster transformation pots are totally useless, but in the name of fun... Well, can't blame us for trying it & taking some SS, right??? Haha...

Green Mushroom Transformation O-k-a-y, the actual [Green Mushrooms] tt you see roaming around [Maple World] doesn't have the du lan kinda look, so IDK why the transformation pot makes tt kinda face... LOL...

Dragon Transformation I was truly amazed by this dragon... In this case, you'll get transformed into a [Dragon] & you can fly yourself to the [Temple Of Time]... A training area tt's totally not suitable for my lv... Nonetheless, it was exciting to discover new stuff like every now & then, rather than grind & lv what what most players do...

IcEFoRcE (18) I'm just showing off tt I was able to complete the entire outfit tt can only be obtained during [Maple]'s 7th anniversary event tt's still ongoing... The eq set has a lv req of 70 & the stat bonuses is already wayyyyyy better than the normal eqs tt I was using tt has a lv req of 90... Okay, tt's not surprising consigering tt the former is some limited time only items...

Tt's my short snippet of what I've been up to recently, apart from drooling over [Ian Somerhalder] from [TVD] every night... Yep, tt's my new routine for the hols: Work, [TVD], [Maple]... Extremely effective in keeping me preoccupied... & once I'm done with [TVD], I'm just gonna replace it with [Gintama]... *Grins* ^_^

Okay, I guess I should stop stalling & get to the content proper...

I recently completed the movie [Prayers For Bobby] & read the novel of the same title & I've been doing quite a bit of thinking ever since... Trust me, apart  from doing internal debates with myself as to whether I should buy a particular piece clothing, I've never really been brooding over any other issues for this long, ever...

It's actually an account of the mother of a gay son, how she came to accept her son's sexuality a few yrs after his suicide, starting from her questioning the [Christianity] doctrine up to the time where she became an activist for gay rights... The book also gave an insight to [Bobby]'s life from his diary... The movie made me wept several times as certain scenes were seriously touching... One of them was @ the ending:



Naturally, the movie deviated slightly from the novel, but tt's not really impt... What's impt was tt the novel really provided an insight to [Bobby]'s struggle by printing excerpts from his diary... This was something tt the movie couldn't portray & what [Bobby] wrote to a certain extent, mirrors my own struggles...

@ the end of the day, it all boils down to 1 thing... Not finding someone to settle down with (I'm too introverted to be capable of tt)... Possibly more sex (I'm a guy after all)... But rather, just to feel accepted & tt I belong...

It is really placing a strain on myself tt I've to pretend or erect a facade as to who I truly am... Among family members as well as new acquaintances... I'm longing for the day when I can be open abt my desires & not feel like some freak... I did experienced tt kinda feeling on a few occasions, by participating in some [Oogachaga] events and boy were those experiences liberating... For those few hrs, not only could I talk abt issues tt've been bugging me, but I could be understood... The later is something which I doubt my straight friends, no matter how open they are, will be able to understand or relate...

Another thing abt not hiding who I truly am is tt I wouldn't have to lie to my family when I attend those [OC] events... This is another thing tt's been troubling me for a while already... Currently, I feel tt it's inevitable tt I've to constantly spin web of lies to cover my tracks when I'm attending those [OC] events & this makes me feel like I'm doing something dodgy, like I'm committing a crime or something... I feel bad abt constantly telling them the untruths & worse, I'm afraid tt they might one day discover tt I've been deceiving them before I'm ready to come out to them... Of course, by coming out to them, I've to also admit tt I've been deceiving them & tt's like a double whammy...

I know I've managed to survive keeping this side of myself a secret for a while now, but I've no idea if I can still do this when I've finally opened up myself a little to socialise & to attempt to know more gay men... Or actually try to muster up sufficient courage to chat a guy up... It seems like my time in uni is like the best time to know more ppl & yet, being in the closet is kinda keeping me back from doing so...

I'm kinda confused & I can feel the pressure building up within me to come out... Yet I need to stay logical & play my cards right to minimize the potential dmges...

*Sigh* Urgh... My homosexuality is beginning to overshadow the other parts of me... & it seems like this entry didn't really help clear my head...  Will it really get better??? o_O